a treatise on toddler sleep and helicopter parenting

It is May! Today I ate a banana. I learned that it is sad to ruin your fancy $4 delicious latte by accidentally dumping way too much sugar in it. I find the smell of carrot juice borderline revolting.

Okay, that's out of the way.

Tonight is my last night with Dave Jr, which is sad, but also great, because I am so tired of traipsing all the way across town for an hour for what usually ends up being $50 and then traipsing all the way back for an hour. Instead I am going to have Biebzbear all day Wednesdays from now on, in addition to all day Mondays and Tuesdays, and every other Sunday night, and the occasional date night. So really I am making more money and not going insane.

I am coming to understand Bear's parents, and therefore Bear, a little better. So, Bear still takes a bottle to go down for sleeping times, and is not putting himself to sleep. So, I have been giving him his bottle in the glider, and then putting him in his crib awake but drowsy, and then rubbing his back 'til he falls asleep for at least 5 months, and lately he's started actively trying to keep himself awake by wiggling his feet, even if his eyes are slamming shut like nobody's business. It took him until 9:30pm to go to sleep last Tuesday evening, so I kind of casually asked Bear's mom if they have a plan to teach him how to sleep on his own. She agreed that they need to do something differently, because he has been giving them trouble, too, both for naps and night time.

Sunday night they told me, "so we're not really spending much time rocking him after he finishes his bottle..." and then explained that they are giving him not 8oz that I have been giving him, but 16oz of whole milk, while in the glider, and then burping him, then standing up and rocking him in their arms until he falls asleep, then putting him in his crib, at which point he wakes up a little, so they rub his back until he falls back asleep. Yes, they are burping an 18-month-old. I understand that burping is totally a bonding thing, sure! go ahead, burp your baby as long as you want! but I genuinely believe that this is the parents not wanting their baby to grow up, and so unconsciously pretending that he isn't. He's not a baby anymore, he's a toddler. yes, he still wears a diaper, and he's not talking yet, but the dude is almost three feet tall, and is already 30+ pounds.

I don't want to tell his parents that they're doing anything wrong, because, well, they're not. they should raise Bear however they see fit, and if that means giving him a bottle and rubbing his back until he falls asleep on the night of his senior prom, go ahead (ohhh I'm a bitch). I'm worried that they don't realize that he doesn't need these things, like bottles and baby food, and that they don't realize that everyone's lives would be happier without those things. I'm not going to be the one to sleep train him, that is not my place or my job, and it's going to have to be his parents doing it anyway.

But I have started doing things that will hopefully make it easier when his parents are ready. Instead of giving him 8oz of whole milk to go down for his nap, I cut 2oz of whole milk with 6oz of water, which he has been drinking 3oz of (probably because he thinks it's disgusting) and then going to sleep just fine. My goal is to get him eventually to straight water in a bottle, then move to a sippy cup. We've been doing a routine of the same four books before every naptime, and I've been working on telling him "It's time to go to sleep now," which I know he understands.

People keep telling me "oh you're going to be the best mom ever because you know so much." Yes, I read parenting blogs and books and all that, and when it comes to things like sleep training, I will understand generally how to do it and when to do it and why to do it better than someone who has had no experience with babies ever. But I am afraid of putting FutureSpawn into a little box of "you have to be sleep trained by x month" and "you will not receive bottles after y week because this is what I read in a book and also my experience with z baby" and I don't think that's right either. Since I have never been an amateur parent (I joke that I am a professional parent), I think it is probably very difficult to find the perfect balance of advice vs trial and error. So, FutureSpawn, I'm sorry, but I'll try my best.