As I'm avoiding massive amounts of studying, I've been thinking a lot lately about life in DC. I love it here. I hated it, especially American University specifically, for the first two years, because I wasn't allowed to separate myself from Portland.
I have always had a strong inclination to latch on to people I really really like, I have done it my whole life. I don't mean my family, or my friends, in terms of peers, because while it took me forever to find friends here, friends are friends everywhere. I attach to teachers, and coaches, and professors. I've used those people as external support since my freshman year AHS Honors English teacher, Salvy. At SMA there was Pappa H, of course, but especially D. Sometimes this attachment turns detrimental, internally or externally or both, but who hasn't experienced that. I'm figuring that one out still.
I've finally found a nice triad (trifecta) (triumvirate) of professors here. I'm in love with the intellectual strength and incredible poise of these three women. On a few occasions I have skipped my less important classes to go to office hours, and it's always worth it.
My freshman college writing professor taught me more about structuring an argument than anyone in all my education. I fully believe I have never written better than I did that semester. We meet for coffee about once a semester and discuss our love for our political party, and how classes are going, and other things, and I always feel like even though she is a very maternal figure (she has a son appx my age), she is speaking to me as an intellectual equal. I cannot describe how much I appreciate that, especially from someone who spent a semester giving my thought processes a grade that went on my permanent transcript.
Many people have heard me declare my love for my major adviser, but she has seriously rocked my world. She is this middle-of-America small town girl who grew up hating history, and ended up marrying a Cuban and her life is now this wonderful embodiment of Latin American culture, and she is so fully integrated into this fascinating ecumenical life of the Americas. I often have a problem with people who pretend that they belong to a culture that they don't (which is very elitist of me), but she isn't pretending, she lives this life that is not one many would choose. She's spent the better part of a year now helping me figure things out about myself, and the only thing she's done to do that is tell me about her own experiences. She is so unbelievably vivacious and cares so deeply about what she loves that you can feel it from across the room even as she hangs up a phone or presses a button on the laptop to change the PowerPoint slide.
Also, she is my quickest link to Girl Scout cookies.
The third professor I am still learning about. Part of the reason she is so appealing to me is that she is a complete mystery. She is also very young and very attractive, which, you know, is difficult to resist for anyone. While I have not taken a class from her, she is a person that makes me very eager to seek her approval and compliments. Hearing "you are a very impressive woman" from a woman who is extremely strong and independent and confident and intelligent and everything that a woman should be but few are, has infinitely more bearing to me than any other compliment I could ever receive. I am planning on taking a class with her during the summer, and while I am terrified that I will be far in over my head in a 500-level class in a department in which I have never taken a single class, she seemed very confident that I will be fine. Her opinion probably means more to me than it should, but this frequently happens when I meet new people that fascinate me, and it balances out when I am more comfortable with the person. I am very much looking forward to that balance, though it is also nice to have an intense intellectual (and/or not so much intellectual) crush every once in a while to make me think about things I should be thinking about more.
Another thing I find curious is that all three of these women are married (to men) and have children. I have no analysis of this fact, I will leave it to you to think about.
I come from a family
sphere [I don't like sphere. enter unconventional shape of your choice here. triangle? parallelogram? heptagon? pentacontakaienneagon?] of strong, uncharacteristically intelligent, and very opinionated women. The peers I consider my friends mostly fall into this category of being female, being intelligent, being "strong," and being opinionated. I have realized of late that the thing I appreciate most in life is people who feel strongly about things, and take appropriate action to have their lives reflect that feeling. It's completely overwhelming sometimes, and frequently these people (unintentionally) make me feel stupid for not knowing anything about their subject, and having done nothing useful with my life. Other times, it is simple, like someone in the grocery store who knows a lot about wine, and clearly uses his or her wine purchases to reflect their strong opinions of what is a good wine. Actually that time I felt stupid for not knowing anything about wine. Most frequently, however, it is vastly inspiring.
When someone is perfectly capable of standing up for him or herself and yet doesn't, that disgusts me to no end. Ok, we are all guilty of this to some extent or another, but it's a gross violation of the you-should-stand-up-for-yourself-if-you-have-agency-to-do-so rule that makes me so frustrated.
Today
Maddy blogged about university in Cambodia that she recently visited, where she mentioned that the dynamic between professors and students is very different than in the United States.
This is something that I want. I'd love to be able to go out with a professor and a bunch of other students and discuss intellectual and meaningful things, and nonintellectual and meaningless things, over a drink (even if nonalcoholic; being in a bar has a certain dynamic that is found nowhere else). This is one of the very few reasons I'm looking forward to turning 21, because I'm mostly dreading it. I guess this kind of thing happens in grad school all the time. In any case, I'm looking forward to DC this summer.
My roommate and I had a really good day yesterday, and while we did laundry and ate pad thai and watched
Imagine Me & You, we talked about things like this, and how women think, and relationships between women (straight and not), and the fluidity of female sexuality, and the complexity of women specifically as reflected in songs written by the Counting Crows, and what beauty is and really means.
Also, this just happens to be related to this post but I have been meaning to say this. I suggest
these three blogs for everyone. Also
Sarah Haskins!
The human condition! It's a funny thing to think about.
ETA: Now I've been interspersing my studies for Queen of England's Monday midterm with feminist blogs, and apparently there has been drama as of late, because of a post on Feministing about a day in the life of a feminist, and then
another blogger responded with "WTF upper middle class!" and then this
set the feminist blogosphere alight with interesting conversation about things like what it means to be feminist. and class and race and offensiveness and things. People think about this shit every day! So. Awesome.
I'm OFFICIALLY addicted to humanity.
