What to Expect

I've been reading a lot of toddler books lately, which has been really helpful in understanding how my various kids operate. I don't think I mentioned it, but around the time of my last blog post (I'm delinquent, I know), I looked at BiebzBear and told him "You're not eating any more baby food when I'm here," and he hasn't. It makes things a little more difficult, of course, because damn, those pouches are super convenient when he gets hungry and we're out. Also, it's basically his only source of vegetables and fruits. So, that's a thing we're working on together. We've been trying lots of new things when we go out, which is great. Last week we had a ham-and-scallion scone, and also a peach smoothie, and a little bit of turkey sammich.

The sleep thing is more of an issue than ever. He's been taking bottles of just water to go down for the past month or so, but getting him to go to sleep is almost impossible some days. Even if he is 150% exhausted (like he was on Wednesday, when we went to the Postal Museum, and then took the metro back, and then I got him out of the stroller and he walked the mile from the metro station home), if he knows his mom is home, he stands there in the middle of the crib crying and throwing out his blanket and screaming and falling asleep standing up and then crying more. For hours. And yet, on Tuesdays, when his mom isn't home, he lies down in the crib, and falls asleep within ten minutes. This past week on the screaming days, I gave up after an hour each day, dragged him to sit with me in the rocking chair to look at books, and he was asleep in three minutes. And I have to stay there with him until he falls asleep, because that's what his parents want, even though he screams whether I'm in the room or not.

So:
Crib not comfortable enough?
Hears his mom, who seems to pick the best time for her to noisily prepare her lunch in the kitchen right when I am putting him down, and knows if he cries long enough she'll come in?
Should have been sleep trained and doesn't know how to comfort himself?
Running around is too exciting and now he thinks he doesn't need to nap anymore?
Going down for a nap just a little too late and missing the "window of opportunity?"
All of the above?

Despite the massive battles that are naptime, Bear has become a complete angel all other times, especially when he is well-rested after a nap (SURPRISE). We've been eating outside at Peregrine once a week for a while, which has been great for getting him to try new foods. The other day when we were leaving Safeway, I unbuckled his stroller belt and asked if he wanted to walk home. and he trotted along calmly next to me and held my hand when he felt like it, and of course when we crossed the street, and didn't run in traffic and didn't dawdle all that much at all.

A couple weeks ago when we were getting ready to go out to the playground, I told him that I couldn't carry him up the stairs to go out the front door, because I had to carry the stroller and the stroller is very heavy. So, I would take the stroller up the stairs and then come back and help him walk. I got to the top of the stairs and Bear was halfway up behind me, and since then he's been doing the stairs himself, both up and down. Then the other day, we were leaving for a walk at the same time his mom was leaving for errands, and she said "We've been working on not carrying him up the stairs." and I said, "Oh. Huh. He's been doing the stairs for weeks." and then of course he refused to walk up them because he KNEW since he mom was there she'd carry him, which she eventually did.

I read this book recently called the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers, which by the way is a huge bunch of bullshit, I feel, but the author mentioned that scientists say that most babies have the ability to put themselves to sleep by six months of age. She then said that since the majority of parents put their children to sleep up until the school years, it is perfectly normal and okay. She also said that kids all learn to walk and talk at different ages, so it's normal for kids to learn to put themselves to sleep at different ages. Two things with which I have major problems:

1) Most kids learn to walk around one year, give or take a few months. Most kids have a certain number of words and speaking skills by around their second birthday. Pediatricians use these milestones as indicators of healthy growth and development. So saying that a 5 year old in kindergarten that doesn't know how to put herself to sleep is just "falling in the normal spectrum of development, just like walking and talking" is not the same.

2) It's absolute nonsense to compare sleeping to walking and talking, if you're also saying that it's normal for parents to be putting their child to sleep long after pediatricians agree the child has the ability to put itself to sleep. Once a baby can walk, do the parents prevent him from walking? Once a toddler has the ability to talk, do the parents tell her she is not allowed to talk? It's not likely. So, once a child has the ability to put itself to sleep, why not let it?! I find it terribly frustrating.

Citations forthcoming. I let Bear's mom borrow the book and I have to get it back from her so I can return it to the library. Some of the stuff is really interesting, like the idea of making a bedtime chart, or a bedtime story with your child as the main character ("First Susie brushes her teeth! Then she gets her jammies on. Then she reads a story with Daddy, and then she gets in bed, closes her eyes, and goes to sleep until morning."), but not necessarily applicable to the younger toddler. But, a whole lot of her logic is complete garbage.

Anyway, this is all just a fancy way of saying I think that kids should be given the treatment that corresponds with their age, treatment that includes respecting autonomy, and also having certain expectations about actions (cleaning up toys, feeding self, walking instead of carrying). Having Bear an average of 4 times a week now and working really hard on those things has really helped him be better behaved and happier, and I'm much less frustrated, too. Easy for me to do all these things, I get to go home at the end of a day to a house filled with sharp table corners, gate-free stairs, and under-sink cabinets that are full of chemicals and have no locks on the doors.