In which I scream

I Don't Love Anyone - Belle & Sebastian, from "Tigermilk" (1996) Last played 08/31/09 9:12 pm. Heh.
Favorite line: I don't love anyone / Well, maybe my sister
Verdict: Yes, I like it. I'll probably keep it.

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Old 97s, from "Hitchhike to Rhome" (1994) Zero plays!
Here's a video of it live.
I haven't listened to this album, like, at all. It kind of seems like everyone has covered this song.
Verdict: If I'm listening to this album, I'll probably be listening to Wish the Worst or Mama Tried or this song. But I probably still won't listen to this album that much, because Wish the Worst is better live, and Mama Tried has been covered better.

Gravity - Vienna Teng, "Waking Hour" (2002, woo, breaking into the 21st century)
Music video here - no guarantee that it's not a really lame video, I'm skeptical of the first 13 seconds already.
I like this song, I can't figure out what she reminds me of. It's a little too obvious and formulaic to me... but I like it anyway.
Verdict: I'll keep it but not something I'd listen to every day. Won't skip it when it comes on, but I won't say more than "huh"

Next up, A Question Mark - Elliott Smith


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MUM Day Four: Reik's "Que Vida La Mia"

Que Vida La Mia - Reik, from "Reik"

Listen here
Play count: 2. Last played: oh, I'll check in a minute.

I think I got this from Gaby! or Lindsey! Either way, not my sister.

I was going to post a link to the lyrics in English but I've spent a few minutes trying to find them and can't, so I'm over that.

Ok so I'm kind of cheating with this one, I've listened to it 2x on my iTunes but I really have heard it more than that.

Full disclosure-- I am very much okay with my love of so-bad-it's-good music. This is most definitely in the so-bad-it's-good category. I'm just a fan of Mexicans right now?

That's all I can manage tonight :(

MUM Day Three: Lauryn Hill's "Everything is Everything"

Today was supposed to be We've Never Met, by Neko Case, but it is a total lie that the playcount is zero on that. Instead, this post could also be called "where the hell has Lauryn Hill been all my life ok so maybe just for the past 11 years"

Everything is Everything - Lauryn Hill, from "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill," 1998

Play count: 0

Listen/watch here

Ok so this song is pretty freaking awesome. And I obviously mean album when I say song. I am the last person in the world to know this. The only song my iTunes says I've listened to is Lost Ones, on 7/29/09 at 5:12pm. Obviously the first thing I did after I listened to Everything is Everything was listen to the rest of the album, and um, well, now I'm a little distracted with that.

My West Coast middle class white girl self feels not qualified to talk about the merits of this song, so what I will say is that you should listen to it right now, and think, and all that.

Um yes I am keeping this song and I might listen to the album multiple times every day for a while.

Current play count: I don't actually know because it's on my iPod but I'm sure it's at least 6, because I've been listening to it since 7:45 this morning.

So there you have me discovering the Miseducation, feel free to berate me for being 11 years late.

MUM Day Two: Sleater-Kinney's "Don't Talk Like"

Ok, so I admit I'm a terrible child of the Pacific Northwest and don't listen to Sleater-Kinney enough. Or ... ever?

Don't Talk Like - Sleater-Kinney, from "The Hot Rock," 1999.

Play count: 1. Last played: 12/05/08, 4:44pm. Readers should assume I have received everything from my sister, unless mentioned otherwise.

Listen here.

First I have to say that after an hour and a half of singing 18th century German choral music, Sleater-Kinney is a little ... dissonant. Magnificat anima mea Dominum? Yeah, not so much. That being said, though I wasn't feeling incensed or indignant enough to really appreciate the full feminist empowerment of Sleater-Kinney, I found myself turning up the last minute, 'cause it rocks, and totally loving this song. No problems putting this on repeat.

Also, this song really makes me think of the '90s... for some reason I picture Ten Things I Hate About You very vividly. Coincidentally, the album and film were released in the same year. This is the only Sleater-Kinney album I own, which is kind of sad (but I do own the track You're No Rock and Roll Fun, which is an excellent one). Apparently in later years they got more "mainstream," so maybe the '90s scene in the PNW sounded like this?

It also reminds me of how annoying I was when I was 19. I mean, I'm annoying now, but I think (hope!) I get less and less annoying as the years progress, and 19 was a tough year. Also, I am not very far removed from that age, so this is annoying that I'm talking about it as though I'm soooo much older and wiser.

There's a part of me
That works just like a child
There's a part of me
That's you

I'll keep it, but not for everyday use. For dissonant, angry days, or days when I watch Ten Things.

Current play count: 8

The amount of body parts I needed to ice today after ballet class makes me feel like an old woman. Ugh.

MUM Day One: Clem Snide's "Strong Enough"

Welcome to the Month of Undiscovered Music, aka MUM, fka November!

Strong Enough - Clem Snide, from the album Soft Spot

Play count: 1. Last played 10/08/06 at 10:59pm. Received from my sister, yay.

Listen here

Subtle, which Clem Snide does well. Not annoying. Cute lyrics - "Don't cut onions in your mind," though "you're the flower of my heart" is kind of lame. It's a mood song, I don't exactly know what that means, but there is a mood that goes with this song. It's a walking-in-the-rain-on-a-late-Thursday-afternoon song. I'll keep it.

Current play count: 6

To whiskey and gin

Let's not pretend that I've listened to anything but the soundtrack from Glee this month.

Also on the October playlist:

The State I Am In - Belle & Sebastian
Can't Stand - Chuckanut Drive (my sister says "Really? that's old-school")
Don't Think Twice - Joan & Indigo Girls
The State I Found You In - Girlyman
The Scarlet Tide - Alison Krauss

Also, all that Girlyman from September.

But I'm being very honest when I discuss Glee. It's a serious[ly bad] addiction.

Ok, so now that we have established that I only listen to the same 27 songs over and over and over, it's time for November!

Loyal readers will remember last November was a Month of Happy. One happy thing per day. This November is Month of Undiscovered Music! My sister and I will both be picking one song from our iTunes libraries every day, with the qualification that the song has 3 playcounts or less, and writing about it. I will write here, she will write there.

So, that starts tomorrow. Get ready.

The Shape I Found You In

Captain Bananio and Stellina met at the park yesterday. Captain Bananio was confused because I was there with Stellina, and he was there with his other nanny, who was also confused as to why he had come over and attached himself to me. CB's mother's impression of CB's reaction after she heard the story was pretty accurate: "Hey, wait, you're my girl, but wait, I'm here with this other girl and she's my girl too, wait, what?"

Captain Bananio recommenced picking up leaves, and I finally peeled Stellina off of me, and then they just kind of stood there and looked at each other in a cute curious way.

When they get married in a few decades, I will tell this story in my toast at the reception.

Then a few minutes later Captain Bananio walked into the slide, and looked offended that it had been in his way. Typical.

Playlists from recent months

August 2009
Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash
Baba O'Riley - The Who
John Saw That Number - Neko Case
Closer to Me - Chuckanut Drive
The Hard Way - Chuckanut Drive
Kickin' In Your Door - Chuckanut Drive
Runnin' Out of Fools - Neko Case
I Wish I Was the Moon - Neko Case

August was a good month and a confusing month, but not as good and confusing as September. I spent a lot of time listening to all of Blacklisted, not just those two tracks.

September has three playlists, one for before September 24, and one for after September 24, and one for the approximate middle-to-end of the month. I listened to lots of Blacklisted but also some Middle Cyclone, early on in the month.

September-at-large 2009
People Got a Lotta Nerve - Neko Case
Everything's Easy - Girlyman
Somebody to Love - Queen
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Michael Buble (this is because of Prince Philip... just go with it)
Melt Show - Old 97s
Hold on Hope - Guided By Voices

and then Melt Show over and over and over and Everything's Easy over and over and over.

post-September 24th, 2009
Comptine D'un Autre Été: L'après Midi - from the soundtrack of Amelie
Mark Rothko Song - Dar Williams
Calling the Moon - Dar Williams
I Wish I Was The Moon - Dar Williams
I Wonder Where You've Gone - Girlyman
Somewhere Different Now - Girlyman
Tell Me There's A Reason - Girlyman
Everything's Easy - Girlyman
Trees Still Bend - Girlyman
The Shape I Found You In - Girlyman
Storms Were Mine - Girlyman

Yes, a very Girlyman-heavy week. Also the rest of their new album, I listened to all of it over and over, really.

Mid-to-end September 2009 (the keep-me-alive playlist)
Bust Your Windows - Glee Cast
Won't Be Home - Old 97s
Ring The Alarm - Beyonce
Untouchable Face - Ani DiFranco
Niteclub - Old 97s
Wish the Worst - Old 97s
Rehab - Glee Cast
Gold Digger - Glee Cast
I Fucking Bleed Purple and Gold - Super Smash Bros.
and of course
Harder Better Faster Stronger - Daft Punk

20 Hours in America

Sitting for a new family (still with the old kids occasionally! don't lose hope), little girl born 8 days after Captain Bananio. She'll need a name.

From what I can tell, her favorite thing is to do laps - big counterclockwise circles. Maybe she will be Stellina.

The War At Home

Made out well today at the library's record sale, mostly in the Bach mass department. Also, the JFK department. I also got some random ballets.

Engelbert Humperdinck - We Made it Happen, 1970 (this one will probably just go on the wall)

JS Bach
B Minor Mass - Robert Shaw Chorale and Orchestra, RCA Victor
Mass in F Major, BWV 233
Mass in G Major, BWV 236
Mass in G Minor, BWV 235
Mass in A Major, BWV 234
Selections from the Musical Notebook for Anna Magdalena (1968) RCA Victrola

CPE Bach - Magnificat, Collegium Aureum, conducted by Kurt Thomas (1968) RCA Victrola

Mozart - Kronungsmesse (Coronation Mass), Wiener Singverein & Berliner Philharmoniker, 1976

John F. Kennedy, A Memorial Album: Highlights of Speeches Made by our Beloved President (broadcast on WMCA New York on November 22, 1963)

Anthology of Renaissance Music, including Josquin de Pres, Victoria, and Palestrina - Primavera Singers of the New York Pro Musica Antiqua

Shostakovitch - Symphony No. 5, Op. 47, Leonard Bernstein and the New York Philharmonic (from 1959 tour) Columbia Masterworks

Britten
Ceremony of Carols and Te Deum - Christ Church Cathedral Choir of Oxford, Francis Grier conducting (1982)
Nocturne - Peter Pears with London Symphony Orchestra, Benjamin Britten conducting

50 Great Moments of Opera: 53 Complete Arias from Best-Loved Operas (1977)

Encore, Byron Janis. Includes Liszt, Schumann, Prokofiev, etc. It says on the jacket "First recordings ever made in the Soviet Union by American technical and musical staff and equipment. Recorded by Mercury on location in Moscow." On the record, "For Broadcast Only, Not For Sale" (1960 tour) Mercury Records

Elton John - The Fox (1981) (um... just because)

Etta James - Deep In the Night (1978)

Potorjinsky's Russian Choir, Vespers & Matins (1971)

Paganini - Violin Concerto No. 1, Victor Tretyakov on violin, Moscow Philharmonic (1980)

Mae West - The Fabulous Mae West (1956) Decca Records Hi-Fi

Louis Armstrong and the Mills Brothers (1954) Decca Records Hi-Fi

Marian Anderson - Original Soundtrack of "See It Now" (1958) RCA Victor

Orff - Carmina Burana, Philadelphia Orchestra

A Concert At The White House - Alexander Schneider, Pablo Casals, Mieczyslaw Horszowski (November 13, 1961) Columbia Records

AND IN CASE ANYONE I KNOW IS EVER MEAN TO ME:

WYBC Presents ... The Yale Banjo Club

where no one notices the contrast of white on white

The past few days I've been honing my Oregonian skills of being able to predict rain. Mostly because it just rains every three hours and that's the way it works. But today it's just been raining.

For the life of me I can't concentrate on, well, anything, but especially not on my summer reading that's due on Tuesday, so a self-interested blog post is in order to kill time. There's even a gangster on the front of my textbook! and it's still not interesting. I, however, am interesting.

Not.

Captain Bananio is nearly running. He's got some words, he's climbing the stairs (until we catch him and pull him off), he's still not mastered the fork but he has mastered the throwing of the food. He's just past 13 months. We have conversations where we both fully understand each other even though we are not speaking the same language.

Zannah is going into the second grade. She keeps sending me text messages through her mother, and even though she's a little terrorist I still adore her. Same with Prince Philip. When you get them separate Prince Philip is an angel, but the two of them together.... super effective birth control.

School happens on Monday. Niki and I both decided this semester is going to suck. so. bad. I'm already ridiculously behind on reading. Niki doesn't even know all the classes she's taking yet. In brighter news, Maeg comes home today! in five short, short hours. And tonight I'm sitting for a family that is very low maintenance and pays me well. So, money and friends.


I love DC. I love it from my stupid apartment, I love it from carrying $95 worth of groceries home from Giant in 93 degrees with 67% humidity, I love it from the wet roof of a Columbia Heights rowhouse watching the storms surround the entire city, I love it from the crowded red line platform during rush hour, I love it from the midday sky getting darker and darker until it cracks and pours down on all the college kids moving into the building. I have never loved a city this way. But today I don't understand it.

I have high hopes.

Our Last Days as Children

Recently I learned that as of June 24, I will no longer be the regular nanny for the kidlets :( Maybe again in the fall, but at the very least, for the rest of the summer, I am out of luck except for the random occassion. So here's a tiny update on my life.

+Chamber Singers tour was fantastic. out of this world. I keep dreaming that we're all still on tour, and I wake up, and am depressed to find myself alone and in America. Not that I don't love America and my cats and being in my apartment and such, but Hungary and Transylvania were unbelievable.

+I miss singing so much. I miss singing with my 24 fabulous friends even more.

+My online class is kicking my butt, as I expected, but it is making me think, which hurts. In a good way? I'm supposed to be writing a paper on designer babies right now, which clearly, I'm not.

+Speaking of babies, Captain Bananio is now ... wait for it ... WALKING. That's right, folks. Walking. He's almost using a fork. He's almost spitting out words. And he's walking. Seriously, he was barely crawling on April 8, and by June 3 he was taking up to 8 steps at a time. Small steps, but still steps. He's quickly approaching 11 months, and is tall and skinny like you wouldn't believe. By which I mean, he's still tiny. Last month we were at the playground and he was approximately the same size as a three month old. I adore him.

+Prince Philip is now 4, and loves me to death. You wouldn't know it by the way he misbehaves. it's cute that the last time I called his parents he came running to the phone to talk to me. I don't see him very much lately, because he's at pre-school on my sitting days. He's pretty darn cute. His S's are getting better! I'm yuper proud. I have also found that what tends to make him the happiest is to let him wear one of Zannah's dresses.

+Zannah is finishing up her 1st grade year, and has lost five teeth on very short notice. I'm pretty sure she lost at least two during the two weeks that I was gone for rehearsal and tour, and another one last week, and she's got another loose one that'll be ready soon. She's a real toothless wonder. She's been super misbehave-y lately but I think everyone's got more energy because of the weather. She's apparently announced to her mother that she's marrying the neighbor boy, because they are in love. Ah, to be six.

+Kitties are good. They have more room to run around in the new apartment, and couches to sharpen their claws on, and every couple of days they have a bug to hunt. Which we all enjoy. They've been very cuddly lately, and I suppose that's what happens when I leave them for 9 days.

+As soon as I got all the stuff to the new apartment, I didn't bother to unpack, so everything is still in random places in boxes. It's too disgusting to put things in proper places still, I've only had the energy to clean the bathtub, which was an absolute necessity. I have no idea how real living people lived in this apartment and let it get so indescribably nasty. My room is more or less fine, because I vacuumed insanely before moving anything in, but everywhere else is covered in a layer (or two, or five) of gross. And of course, my floor is just covered in dirty clothes and random things from Hungary and Romania.

I'm feeling nostalgic and restless. It's that mood that makes me want to watch movies over and over.

I have often thought that I want my children to have flaming red hair, if only so that I have a slight advantage as a parent in being able to quickly track them down on the playground. If I had a couple extra tens of thousands of dollars sitting in my bank account, I cannot say I would spend it on ensuring that my children had an easy and permanent source of identification such as red hair. For one thing, think of all the additional money I would be guaranteed to have to spend on sunscreen.

I'm upset that the stupid Rose Festival jerks picked the wrong girl again. How hard can it be to pick the St. Mary's girl, seriously. Stupid old white men in their stupid old white wool.

Finals: Frick on a Stick

Funny bits from my lecture notes:

"Ike pres, old dude, had cabinet full of old dudes."

"Jack & Bobby obsessed w/Cuba, used every single resource to overthrow Castro
why? was action presidency"
I'm an action president! Running, jumping, climbing trees! and I'm an executive president. un president d'action et un president executif.

"one way tix on PanAmerican
astronauts - in case one was not successful would blame Cubans
rattlesnakes?"

"Trujillo finally assassinated -> great celebration -> CHAOS"
sounds like college

"we didn't care much abt indochina - French colony
♥ Mark Hatfield ♥"

"we were never going to fight communism after we left Vietnam -
even tho the wall didn't fall until 1989
the QUEEN!!!!
next time Jackson, Rostow"

"Marshall Acheson, lots of secretary said no Israel, didn't want lose oil"

"we took canal & chunks on side - since T. Roos."

"Sadat did own thing, was assassinated"
bummer

"[Reagan] also supported Israel w/o any neutrality
-heart of conservatism - God gave Palestine to Hebrews, hated Arabs"
Does Reagan hate Arabs, or is it just God that does?


trust me, they make no more sense in the context of my notes.

I'm sure

On Captain Bananio's menu for this afternoon's meal, after a 2.5 (!!!) hour nap, in this order:
+ 4 oz formula
+ baby food sweet potatoes with iron-fortified rice cereal
+ baby yogurt, pear flavor
+ buttered toast, with sweet potato toppings
+ 1/2 a banana
+ of course, cheerios!
Then he had another 45 minute nap later! and would have slept longer, I imagine, if his big sister had not been so loud. I swear when I see him on Friday he will be 3 inches longer.

It is finals season, which means lots of babysitting for me. By Saturday morning I'll have 30 hours this week (kaching!), all but 5 of which are with more than one kid, and 14 of which will be with ALL THREE. I may actually be dead by Saturday morning...

While waiting for Zannah's class to come out to the playground this afternoon, I saw two 8 year olds doing the Soulja Boy Crank That dance, and then I saw a 8 or 9ish year old girl reading Twilight. AUGH. Kids!? Parents??


Here I have paraphrased what President Obama just said - "The reason I'm pro-choice is that I don't think women take that position casually [...] and they are in a better position to make that choice than members of Congress or President of the United States."
now he's gotten a dumb question, and he's being funny. How cute!

Summer?

We seem to be having a two day span of summer before we go back to spring in DC for a little while. Because of finals I've been spending more time with the kids lately, and so I want to write more about them. They need blog names. I know that Kidlet #2 is definitely named Prince Philip, and Kidlet #1 is Zannah, but I am still thinking of a name for Kidlet #3. He is working real hard on developing his personality, which at the moment is really influenced by food. He really really likes Cheerios, and bananas. Perhaps his name shall be Bananio?

To sum up my life before I go back to papering and presentationing my life away, everything is easier when it's nice outside.
Except, of course, being inside to do homework.

Process Stories

I'm procrastinating. I gave up procrastination for Lent, but luckily I'm "Jewish."

I'm supposed to be writing a 3-4 page book report on Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera. The professor (of Latin American History through Art and Literature) is this sweet little olderish lady, though she dresses young and pulls it off so well! and she is from NoCal, and her last two teaching gigs were at Oregon and Oregon State. It's not her fault that the class is totally silly, it was constructed by this dude, Jack Child, and she has to teach to his structure. Unfortunately he sucked at structuring this class.

So Jack Child, are we in 5th grade? Really? A book report? A 3 page book report? Am I really getting 3 college credits for this class? Really? I'm supposed to take this masterful piece of literature and talk about a theme for three pages. Is that really it? Do we have to do a diorama with the main characters and use real sand in the sideways shoe box? Because giving me an assignment like a three page book report when I'm a junior in college makes me feel like I'm eleven years old. Really. are you really sure I'm getting college credit for this? Really??

(this has been "Really?!?" with Seth erm... me.)

On the other hand, I haven't written a lit paper about a book since I was a senior in high school, so I don't even remember how to do this.


I have a 20 page paper due in ten days. What.

Like the rest of the world, I have so much to do and if I would just get started (and subsequently continue, until completion), my life would be so much easier. Also, I can't afford anything. I owe 5 Benjamins to the IRS and I haven't even done my state taxes yet. I have to come up with 1500 bucks to take this summer class with my new fave professor (it's only 1.5k because I magically overpaid my account by $900 for the spring term! go me) and I kind of need the credits to graduate. I also have to do things like pay rent, it would be nice to pay more than the minimum on my credit cards (yes, plural cards, I'm sorry), and it would be nice to eat food, and I could REALLY use a new pair of jeans, because I have three and none of them fit me, and the ones that are closest to fitting literally disintegrate on my body as I wear them.

I know plenty of people whose parents pay their rent, pay their credit card bills, have a joint account that they put money into, buy them new iPhones, buy their clothes, pay for their plane tickets home. I'm lucky to get what I get. My phone bill is always paid, but I paid for my $200 phone. of course it went on sale for $70 six weeks later. My mom puts money towards one of my credit cards when she can, and I get child support and extra money from my dad when he can. Both of these things ROCK. but I have always paid my own taxes since I was 16, I have bought every single plane ticket home in three years, and I pay the vast majority of my own rent.

Also I kind of want to be in school forever. Getting down to the last year is scary, because I am fulfilling all my last requirements and I get to take classes that I'm interested in but they still have to go towards some purpose. I took a bunch of easy interesting classes this term, but I'm past the point where I can just take an interesting class for the sake of furthering the expansion of my knowledge. Ah!!!

The girl next to me is fighting with her mom on the phone about how she is ineligible for medical school or anything in the medical field, because her undergrad degree is not in a science. Story of my life, random girl, story of my life. I guess my major is kind of for fun, because I'm not particularly good at it and there's not much I can do with it. My friend Morgan last night told me that her mom missed the entirety of the 80s because she was in med school; she would eat beans out of the can because she didn't have time to heat them up. There's a difference between being too lazy to cook things properly and not having time to cook things properly. I prefer to be in the former category, thank you very much.

I am obviously just so ridiculously bored. I promise someday my blog will have a purpose.

I have been at AU long enough, or in the alternate, AU is so small, that I can recognize people I have never met by the back of their head, or the sound of their voice.


I should delete this post.

Running Mates

I kind of want to blog about the kids, but then I realized that I don't actually have that much to say and it's just a subliminal procrastination tactic. I should be either sleeping or doing homework.

But the kids! They're so cute! last Sunday was my first adventure of handling all three at the same time, and it was kind of hectic in the house because Kidlets 1 and 2 fought constantly while I was trying to deal with Kidlet 3, but as soon as we went to the park, it was pretty awesome. We only had one "injury" incident, where Kidlet 2 (age 3) banged his head a little bit but I examined the "elephants in his ears" for a little while and he totally forgot about it.

Kidlets 2 and 3 went to sleep almost as soon as we got home, which was super sweet. Naptime rocks! And Kidlet 1 (age 6) played in the potting soil in the tiny backyard! Which I am a huge fan of, not because her parents don't let her get dirty or anything, I just think it's important for city kids to get dirty as frequently as they have the opportunity. Then she piggybacked up the stairs to the bathtub, and we made macaroni and cheese after she had changed into her Princess Giselle nightgown.

Kidlet 3's newest thing is BABY FOOD! he sits in the high chair, which still dwarfs him, and eats Cheerios with carrots sprinkled over them, and bangs the spoon he has for playing, and avoids the spoon I wield with sweet potatoes (the trick is to sneak by him while he's opening his mouth for a self-induced Cheerio, and then hold the spoon in his mouth to make him swallow). It's a whole different ballgame when you break out the pears, though. He loves pears. I'm sure he'd eat pears all day if he could.

And he is so totally about to start crawling. Of course, that will make my job harder, but still!

I have to seriously get cracking tomorrow on the homework that I've neglected all week, which is disheartening. What 20 page paper due in 3 weeks? What are you even talking about?

My President is Pretty Rad

Inauguration Over There

As I'm avoiding massive amounts of studying, I've been thinking a lot lately about life in DC. I love it here. I hated it, especially American University specifically, for the first two years, because I wasn't allowed to separate myself from Portland.

I have always had a strong inclination to latch on to people I really really like, I have done it my whole life. I don't mean my family, or my friends, in terms of peers, because while it took me forever to find friends here, friends are friends everywhere. I attach to teachers, and coaches, and professors. I've used those people as external support since my freshman year AHS Honors English teacher, Salvy. At SMA there was Pappa H, of course, but especially D. Sometimes this attachment turns detrimental, internally or externally or both, but who hasn't experienced that. I'm figuring that one out still.

I've finally found a nice triad (trifecta) (triumvirate) of professors here. I'm in love with the intellectual strength and incredible poise of these three women. On a few occasions I have skipped my less important classes to go to office hours, and it's always worth it.

My freshman college writing professor taught me more about structuring an argument than anyone in all my education. I fully believe I have never written better than I did that semester. We meet for coffee about once a semester and discuss our love for our political party, and how classes are going, and other things, and I always feel like even though she is a very maternal figure (she has a son appx my age), she is speaking to me as an intellectual equal. I cannot describe how much I appreciate that, especially from someone who spent a semester giving my thought processes a grade that went on my permanent transcript.

Many people have heard me declare my love for my major adviser, but she has seriously rocked my world. She is this middle-of-America small town girl who grew up hating history, and ended up marrying a Cuban and her life is now this wonderful embodiment of Latin American culture, and she is so fully integrated into this fascinating ecumenical life of the Americas. I often have a problem with people who pretend that they belong to a culture that they don't (which is very elitist of me), but she isn't pretending, she lives this life that is not one many would choose. She's spent the better part of a year now helping me figure things out about myself, and the only thing she's done to do that is tell me about her own experiences. She is so unbelievably vivacious and cares so deeply about what she loves that you can feel it from across the room even as she hangs up a phone or presses a button on the laptop to change the PowerPoint slide.
Also, she is my quickest link to Girl Scout cookies.

The third professor I am still learning about. Part of the reason she is so appealing to me is that she is a complete mystery. She is also very young and very attractive, which, you know, is difficult to resist for anyone. While I have not taken a class from her, she is a person that makes me very eager to seek her approval and compliments. Hearing "you are a very impressive woman" from a woman who is extremely strong and independent and confident and intelligent and everything that a woman should be but few are, has infinitely more bearing to me than any other compliment I could ever receive. I am planning on taking a class with her during the summer, and while I am terrified that I will be far in over my head in a 500-level class in a department in which I have never taken a single class, she seemed very confident that I will be fine. Her opinion probably means more to me than it should, but this frequently happens when I meet new people that fascinate me, and it balances out when I am more comfortable with the person. I am very much looking forward to that balance, though it is also nice to have an intense intellectual (and/or not so much intellectual) crush every once in a while to make me think about things I should be thinking about more.

Another thing I find curious is that all three of these women are married (to men) and have children. I have no analysis of this fact, I will leave it to you to think about.


I come from a family sphere [I don't like sphere. enter unconventional shape of your choice here. triangle? parallelogram? heptagon? pentacontakaienneagon?] of strong, uncharacteristically intelligent, and very opinionated women. The peers I consider my friends mostly fall into this category of being female, being intelligent, being "strong," and being opinionated. I have realized of late that the thing I appreciate most in life is people who feel strongly about things, and take appropriate action to have their lives reflect that feeling. It's completely overwhelming sometimes, and frequently these people (unintentionally) make me feel stupid for not knowing anything about their subject, and having done nothing useful with my life. Other times, it is simple, like someone in the grocery store who knows a lot about wine, and clearly uses his or her wine purchases to reflect their strong opinions of what is a good wine. Actually that time I felt stupid for not knowing anything about wine. Most frequently, however, it is vastly inspiring.

When someone is perfectly capable of standing up for him or herself and yet doesn't, that disgusts me to no end. Ok, we are all guilty of this to some extent or another, but it's a gross violation of the you-should-stand-up-for-yourself-if-you-have-agency-to-do-so rule that makes me so frustrated.


Today Maddy blogged about university in Cambodia that she recently visited, where she mentioned that the dynamic between professors and students is very different than in the United States.
This is something that I want. I'd love to be able to go out with a professor and a bunch of other students and discuss intellectual and meaningful things, and nonintellectual and meaningless things, over a drink (even if nonalcoholic; being in a bar has a certain dynamic that is found nowhere else). This is one of the very few reasons I'm looking forward to turning 21, because I'm mostly dreading it. I guess this kind of thing happens in grad school all the time. In any case, I'm looking forward to DC this summer.


My roommate and I had a really good day yesterday, and while we did laundry and ate pad thai and watched Imagine Me & You, we talked about things like this, and how women think, and relationships between women (straight and not), and the fluidity of female sexuality, and the complexity of women specifically as reflected in songs written by the Counting Crows, and what beauty is and really means.


Also, this just happens to be related to this post but I have been meaning to say this. I suggest these three blogs for everyone. Also Sarah Haskins!


The human condition! It's a funny thing to think about.

ETA: Now I've been interspersing my studies for Queen of England's Monday midterm with feminist blogs, and apparently there has been drama as of late, because of a post on Feministing about a day in the life of a feminist, and then another blogger responded with "WTF upper middle class!" and then this set the feminist blogosphere alight with interesting conversation about things like what it means to be feminist. and class and race and offensiveness and things. People think about this shit every day! So. Awesome.
I'm OFFICIALLY addicted to humanity.

In the Room

February required two playlists. One for the first part of February, and then one for Mock Trial competition.

February 2009 playlist:
You Will Be My Ain True Love - Alison Krauss and Sting
Electrical Storm - U2 (The William Orbit mix)
El Tango de Roxanne - Moulin Rouge soundtrack, Ewan MacGregor and some other people
February (live) - Dar Williams (cliche I know but terribly appropriate)
Ta Se In Am Domsa Eiri - Fine Friday
Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna
Erin - Solas
at one point Ruins by Melissa Etheridge was also on there, but at that point I only had 4 songs on the list and they were all in the same key, and I decided it was too much. The curses of having a ridiculous pitch memory. Also it was far too depressing a song to be listening to incessantly.

Mock Trial playlist: (keep in mind that many of these songs were added by my teammates, so don't judge just me, judge them too)
City of Blinding Lights - U2
Green Light (feat. Andre 3000) - John Legend
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey
Stronger - Kanye West
Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna
Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
Human - The Killers
Miss Independent - Ne-Yo
Ay Chico (Lengua Afuera) - Bulldog
Dead and Gone (feat. Justin Timberlake) - T.I.
What's Your Fantasy - Ludacris and Shawna
Live Your Life (feat. Rihanna) - T.I.
I'mma Shine - YoungBloodZ
Yeah! - Usher

if there was an option to have a censored version of any of those songs, we did not have the censored version.

What should have been included on that playlist, however, were the following:
I'm On A Boat - The Lonely Island
Jizz In My Pants - The Lonely Island
because we were all singing those two songs constantly all weekend.

Needless to say, it was quite the explicit weekend.


Now I'm doing laundry with my wonderful wonderful roommate, and I am drinking Boylan's ginger ale (made with real cane sugar!) and eating Kinder chocolate, and we are traipsing along struggling like hell through midterms.